some days i just. keep. painting.
no point, no inspiration, nothing to talk about. today i collaged, i painted ducks and tigers and outstretched hands awaiting high-fives.
and looking at all my work right now...i'm pretty sure i'll paint over it tomorrow. but some days i just push paint around. and wait for it.
i just heard this zen story about a girl who goes two places at once. she's in love with some guy (let's call him Reef Squander, ok?) but her father arranges for her to marry another guy. so Reef is heartbroken (because he's in love with her too) and he decides to get out of town. he is just too bummed to deal. but the girl (let's call her Emily Pepper) finds Reef as he is leaving. she tells him she loves him and they run away and make a home together.
years later Reef comes home to find Emily all sad and weepy because she misses her family so much. he misses their home town too, so they decide to return to her father's house. but when they arrive, her father refuses to believe it's really Emily because, apparently, Emily has been sick in bed ever since the day Reef left town. and it's true. there is one Emily standing beside Reef and there is another Emily lying in bed all heartsick and sad. when the two girls see eachother (or themselves or whatever) they come together and become one whole person.
i think the story is partly about how we split off into manageable bits when the going gets rough. we abandon our heartache or our guilt or whatever and we become hard little bits of ourselves. but eventually, hopefully, if we pay attention, we can come back home and become whole again.
i feel like a hard little bit today.
